Wednesday, March 12, 2014

Day 3 writing prompt: Beware of mysterious cookies...

Today is day 3 of my writing prompt boot camp. Today's prompt is this: "One day you come into work and find a cookie mysteriously placed on your desk. Grateful to whoever left this anonymous cookie, you eat it. The next morning you come in and find another cookie. This continues for months until one Day a different object is left—and this time there’s a note."

Okay, so here's what I wrote for my fictional exercise:


For months now, I have been coming into work to find a cookie mysteriously placed on my desk. This is odd for the following reasons: 

1)      I am a freelancer, and I work at home.
2)      I live alone.
3)      I have an alarm system.
4)      My dog instantly eats any form of food that gets left out unattended for more than three seconds.

Despite these suspicious circumstances, I have been eating the cookies each day, for the following reasons:

1)      Cookies are awesome.
2)      Free food doesn’t have calories.
3)      My new interspace yogi has been on this kick lately, continually stressing the importance of recognizing the gifts that the universe sends to me.

See, the old me would have never eaten those cookies. I am a highly paranoid obsessive compulsive with various anxiety disorders, and my previous self would never have even considered putting something into my body unless it was hermetically sealed and came from a fully-researched source. But about a year ago I decided I need to make some changes when the following all happened simultaneously:

1)     My boyfriend left me for refusing to have sex unless he could guarantee there would be no transmission of any bodily fluids.
2)      I got fired from my job for going through 6 gallons of hand sanitizer in a single week.
3)      My psychiatrist threatened me with an intense horse tranquilizer + chlomipramine regimen if I didn’t stop calling his office 3 times a day.

Yes, compulsive list-making is a part of my problem. And no, I haven’t made a lot of progress yet, and I think that’s a little rude and presumptive of you to say, frankly. I mean, okay, you're right, I haven’t really managed to make any changes but one--the cookies. But my yogi says that a journey of a thousand miles begins with one step right? And it takes about a journey of a thousand miles to burn off one chocolate chip cookie right? And when the student is ready, the teacher appears (my yogi says that, too). So when the cookies began appearing, I began a-eating.

So far so good. Until today. Today there was no cookie. When I looked at my desk, there was a remote control and a note. I haven’t read the note yet, I’m too excited! What could be next for me? Twix bars? Cake?? Do I have to use the remote on some magical bakery box?? So many possibilities…I just can’t wait any longer. I’m going to take a look at it now:

“Dear Earthling—
You are the first of your kind that has willingly eaten the nanobot technology disks we’ve been leaving for you. Our deepest thanks! As of yesterday, you have ingested the necessary number of nanobots for us to begin synthesis. Around 5pm tonight, we will deploy the last of the engineer protocols, and launch final fusion. From this point on, all of your bodily functions will have to be orchestrated with the use of the attached remote, until we are able to beam you onto our ship, at which time we will take over all of your physical and mental functioning for you.  You needn’t worry about any discomfort; at the earliest opportunity, we will arrange for a basic neurological reprogramming for you. After that, we will return you to earth, where we will control you remotely from the ship. We will use you to learn all we can about earth, and to begin infiltration of your species and colonization of your planet.

Thank you so much for helping us with our experiment! Future generations of our people thank you for your sacrifice!”


Wait, what? Nanowhat? Infiltration WHAT?

Oh fuck this, and fuck my yogi. Where are those damned horse tranquilizers?

© Michelle M. Chouinard 2014 All rights reserved.

4 comments:

  1. Replies
    1. And you, my darling, are UBER LEET!!

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    2. ROFL

      Keep up the good work, you are really good at this :)

      Delete
    3. Thank you for the encouragement, I really appreciate it. <3

      Delete

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